Why are you at a bar in Connecticut?
Long story. One that now involves lots of delicious chicken wings om nom nom
i voted for prop eight dipshit. more weddings = more CAKE.
there was this guy running across campus barefoot in the pouring rain stepping in all the puddles. i want his life. and i want to be stripper.
i just called. the lady was really nice. something tells me my schools clinic gets a lot of calls about chlamydia
Just for future reference: milk is NOT a good mixer no matter how drunk you are.
I want you to read this conversation tomorrow and be proud of the fact that you taught me how to decipher any drunk message. Good job.
We now only communicate via Xbox messages. Living together is so easy
He is 30 (that's 8 years older than I am) and uses more Emojis than I do. Problem?
I pulled up iMessage on my computer and I'm pretty sure two people in my class saw that dick pic you sent. Sorry!
i have to vacuum my washing machine now, asshole
Had to walk of shame past Westminster Abbey this morning. Pretty sure a Japanese tourist took a photo of me.
I'm potentially being cockblocked by Old Man Winter. What the fuck did I do to piss off an entire season?
If I die on my walk home, please come claim the body. There is $30 in my left shoe for you....for pizza
Until you've snorted cocaine at 6am before your nursing school clinicals birthing babies you're not on my level
I dont know. He's too private. After you fuck him find out his secrets.
Randomize
