He kept saying the best defense against a lion is to punch it in the throat.
both the worst and best vomit ever... it was extra chunky and thick cause of the sausage... but it also tasted like delicious sausage... also cause of the sausage
What if we had a smart house and we could just say "baked" and it would rain donuts?
Through drunken recall, I have managed to bring back awful memories of losing my virginity. And possibly traumatized my niece trying to get her to "learn from my mistakes".
Disasters an understatement. Hurricane alpha chi omega hit. On my way to buy carpet cleaner, super glue, and a new liver. Be back soon.
That's awesome and prob the first time you had an idea of what to do. I'm super proud of you Chelz
Its cos im stoned ! My high self is maturing
I have chafed skin from the handy she gave me. I told her that and she said return the favor when it heals. I'm in love.
Im hitting on this chick at a stoplight when all the sudden. i notice this chick blowing some dude in the backseat.
AND WHAT FELONIES DID I MISS OUT ON WHILE SLUMBERING!?
If I had a mugshot, I would totally use it as my main picture on Tinder, just to keep it interesting.
Killing two birds with one stone tonight: mastrabation meditation. Win win.
Thanks for listening. You're the first guy I've ever worked with who I didn't want to fuck.
When we get drunk one of us ends up running off and fucking someone in an inappropriate place, like the roof of the restaurant, or Greece, while the other convinces people not to worry and not to go looking. That good sir is a real mother fucking friendship.
Thats what I'm talking about
just had an allergic reaction to my dildo. My life is ruined.
there are LEGIT cum stains on my ceilling. ON THE CEILLING!! you tell me how the relationship was.
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