I can text with my tongue
I wish you were here to vomit in your hand.
I just want to hang out with her.
You're a liar. Why do I have to give you reasons you can't have sex with my mom? I hate you.
So I accidentally txted this girl with the same name as the one im seeing, as it turns out shes still dtf
I just saw a fat chick walking across campus talking to herself and licking her lips. Diet season is scary.
Its like a 4.5 hour drive but there's drinking involved so I'm destined to go
just weighed my balls on my pocket scale. that high.
I'm Still in a robe trying to piece together 3-7am I'll be there in a few
He doesn't have any game.. I mean, his one move is forwarding chicks pictures of his penis.
One huge ass giant mistake followed by celebatory shots and coors lights thats my day in a nut shell
Discovery: bouncers seem to get really upset about fire
this is the first time in over a year I had a pregnancy scare and actually would have known who the father was. I guess this is what adulthood feels like.
I tried to order champagne at IHOP last night
I just slipped on ice and peed on my pea coat. There's a pun there but I'm too sad to make it
I just recommended that the library purchase the first major hentai with tentacle porn. Really, I'm doing everyone a favor.
Randomize
