Apparently 'she used to sleep with my brother' is not an acceptable answer to how do you know each other.
its not a holiday until ive ruined the family picture because im drunk
I feel like somehow my uterus ended up in my ribcage from all the keg stands i did last night..
Human Centipede: The Drinking Game. This is non-negotiable. First one to pass out the rest of us get to FEEEEED THEM!
True life. I have to get a nose job due to a deviated septum from blowing coke. Thank you college.
He kept walking up to every girl at the party saying "Hi, I'm George Clooney. No I won't marry you." He left with three girls.
I'm sure you're still partially crippled from thar blow job on Saturday, so I understand it's probably difficult to text.
You gave him that scrunchie you made and called it your "sex offering".
Paige is home safe.
Actually, she's here now, punching me in the face. You should've kept her keys.
CUM CAME OUT OF MY NOSE. MY SINUSES ARE ENTIRELY FUCKED UP NOW BC OF THE CUM TRAVELING IN PLACES IT SHOULD NOT HAVE.
Give me 20 minutes.. I'm going to need to start off with an orgasm to get through this day
I don't know what the hell I'm going to do with myself when this is all over. I'll probably just go back to smoking pot and trying to learn italian.
Who told you he won a fight? He slammed his face into the ground while trying to do 11 push-ups
just woke up and had to check if i still had pants on, i really need to stop drinking
He smells like sex and magic. I’m already naming our children
Maybe you should talk to him first
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