just got my goo swallowed for the first time. colors seem so much more vivid now, and more rainbows are outside
I thought short asians scared me, however seeing my first tall asian I'm terrified.
No, he's fine. He only wanted to know why there were traffic pylons in the living room and how the peanut butter got on the ceiling.
You should know I just got pulled aside by TSA because they found a bottle of Bud Light in my backpack... Thanks for that...
btw, do you remember scaling that porch last night?
Standing in front of the open refrigerator with a 3/4 empty bottle of wine eating Bac-o's from the jar, topless. Somebody really should've taught me better coping skills.
i refuse to hook up with a girl that looks like drew carey.
The bachelorette started when I opened the door and they threw a few dozen dildos at me.
Oh dude I know. When something that's supposed stop pregnancies taste like chocolate something's up
I was too hungover to read the menu. I literally pointed at a picture of an advertisement and handed the cashier my card
I would eat the Denny's grand slam special out of my new probation officers b hole
I am in serious pain and you're making dick jokes. I hope you wind up with crotch rot.
honestly i've never been more attracted to you than when you threw up on my floor
Apparently karate chopping the fronts off all the paper towel and soap dispensers in the bathrooms isn't even frowned upon. Like even at the third bar when I fell flat on my back trying to jump kick the last one some guy just helped me up and high fived me. America.
May have told my history professor I wanted him to stuff me like a turkey. Too slutty?
Nah, people appreciate the creativity of seasonal sluttiness. Let me know if it works!!!
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