i think i just saw hanson at the grocery store. one might have been a girl. hard to tell. lets call that one taylor.
have you seen my purse? i cant find it and my ipod is in there and that shit totally cost more than my abortion.
You sprayed lemon pledge on your crotch because it was "dusty"
just saw someone whip out a flask during lecture... I think I found a study partner
I'm so sorry man. Roger cartwheeled into a signpost and cut his face open. it was pretty messy so we all went into panic mode.
I'm a gay man planning my brothers bachelor party, and he choose someone else to be his best man. I hope they like appltinis and gay clubs. Bastard.
Pretty sure I recall hugging our waiter from the bar last night. That also means we are NEVER going there again
We could make it cute. Like "oh those two cute lesbians who are about five foot two who sell the cocaine down the street. You know the ones? With the Yorkies?"
I Pavlov-trained him by smacking him in the nuts anytime I caught him looking at another girl in public. To this day, he's afraid to break eye contact with me in a restaurant if a tall busty blonde walks in.
dude ur drinkin a beer not ta capri sun. lose the straw
I can't sleep. My mind keeps asking "turn down for what?" but it won't accept any of my answers.
Updates: Made out with a teletubby last night in the middle of the street #lifegoals
Remember how I made that resolution to remain celibate for 6 months? Well, I just broke that
You literally made that 4 hours ago...
IF THE SUNS NOT EVEN OUT THEN WHY IS HIS DICK OUT WTF
april was a good month for me, sexually...doubled my number, had a threesome, fucked a girl for the first time and two different boys in one night. there should be a medal
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