Take 3 tylenol pms and try to whack off before you pass out. It's impossible.
a woman just threw her tv out the window while screaming "will you fucking work now?". i'm never moving
She said she could kiss it, just not put it in her mouth. Because that would be cheating..
Just puked in a mcdonalds cup while driving. Didn't even swerve.
I'm to the point in my high that every song eventually turns into Lady Gaga
I wasn't sure if "you're even prettier in the dark" was a compliment. Hmm.
I woke up to his little sister feeling me up. I guess it's time to meet the family.
i know im back at school when i can poke any random spot on my body and expect a 80% chance that theres a bruise there
holy shit the woman im hooking up with is closer to my moms age than my own
well whats the tarot card for I'm totes going to be schlobbing his cob? because that's in his future.
you just don't appreciate it because you've never been arrested
i gave head in a cab last night. get on my level.
Can you send me the picture of me licking the cows udders?
You set a couch on fire in my brothers backyard?
Just the cushions
I would let him fuck me right here in this laundromat. Praise Satan.
Randomize
