Dude, she had a vegina. I felt like Indiana Jones cutting a path through the jungle.
walked into a party last night, i saw 3 ex gfs standing in a circle talking to each other...that's the quickest u-turn i've ever made in my life.
I just realized that when I walk away people probably say "wow she really has a drinking problem" and sadly it doesn't bother me.
should we take a power nap before our cocaine gets here?
I may have pooped in your shoe. or somewhere else in your closet. its unclear.
It's a self-perpetuating puke chain.
Instead of politely asking me to shave, he passive-aggressively left me a groupon for a bikini wax. So I passive-aggresively fucked his roommate. And his roommate didn't mind my bush when he went down on me. Anyway, do you want the groupon or not?
"guaranteed dick" "anywhere - her room, my room, trees, couch"
Sorry that was quotes about you from the grad student.
Know of anyone who would be interested in trading weed for meatballs?
I DO NOT KNOW WHO SHE IS, WE HAVE NO MORE FRUIT, SHE CAN'T STAY HERE.
my mom called me mid shot and i accidentally answered and kept calling her my own name. somehow i thought that would help the situation.
I watch one musical on Netflix, and the "Suggested for you" section is literally almost the entire gay movie category. I feel profiled, and netflixs' accuracy about my sexuality is both impressive and offensive.
apparently I like to do this thing where I wear pretty dresses and then pee on things on public. Picture proof. Four times last week.
Thank you for trusting your ovaries to me
its like probably shouldnt be sending pics of your asshole to strangers who work in the same building as you
Randomize
