So i'm in mason getting an ultrasound.. and there are a bunch of hicks in here with their wild ass children and this one young mom yells at her kid "harley sit!"
You should introduce yourself as garth. As in garth brooks.
yesterday i saw a blind man guiding himself into a NYC tour bus... and i thought i waste money
she requested me as her brother on facebook.... biggest. letdown. ever.
You were competing with my dog to see who had the stronger bark....
Just realized that St. Patty's is on a Saturday this year in case you were interested in coming to New York and redefining bender with me.
I woke up and he was just feeling up my stomach. I felt like buddha and he was rubbing my belly for good luck. never again.
Dude. I legit missed class because I got too engrossed in the porn I was watching. Also I need to figure out how to get as flexible as these chicks. Some of the positions they do are outrageous.
Im coming down to miami this weekend
We shall drink from the everclear river
When Vanessa's kindergarten teacher called me in because she was caught with her hand down some boys pants in the bathroom, I knew you babysat last week.
I like to imagine god has to get plastered to deal with the fact that he made you and me
Once again being low on toilet paper is forcing us into another round of our favorite game - toilet paper roulette - where there can only be 1 winner. Maybe.
Justin just used the term "industrial strength colon blow".
You threw up a gallon of vomit. I really have never seen anything like it in my decade of partying.
I was so high I just stared at the papa john's app on my phone and cried
That confirms what we've all known all along. I'm a bad gay. I have no fashion sense.
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