So A**** bought my story about how my hickey was a bruise from wrestling
on one hand i'm glad that i'm not in trouble...on the other hand i realized that the reason i cheat on her is because she is so stupid
airport. 106 proof japanese liquor. 4 little travel size containers. im proud to be smarter than the average american.
All semester I have been trying to figure out if this kid in front of me is gay. His cell phone just went off with Britney's "Circus". Case closed.
Who spends 33 dollars at Taco Bell and lives???
I came downstairs to find I had missed the 3some on my kitchen floor but not the pukefest or ER trip after it. This is what happens when the voice of reason is otherwise occupied
MY DOG FOUND A BAG OF COKE ON THE SIDE OF THE ROAD!!!!!!!!!!!
AND ITS GOOD STUFF TOO!!!!!! AHHH!!!!!!
Its official. Iv'e been kicked out of a bar in every state. I would like to take my job and travel time for allowing this to happen.
It was the textbook our-balls-touched-while-engaged-in-a-threesome-with-our-bosses-wife conversation.
It amazes and alarms me I'm not shocked to read that.
It's the building I live in, they were lucky I was wearing clothes at all
I try new drugs instead of new boys. That way you can't scold me about the importance of condoms
Friends don't brand friends with cigars. It's not how it works.
i tried to propose to him with my nipple ring but i couldnt figure out how to take it out
It feels like the devil is humping my brain with his razor sharp erection.
Don't go to sleep yet I need your Mexican roots. Can you come make guacamole
He called my IUD an IED, and said that’s why I had bomb pussy.... I didn’t correct him
Randomize