I drank enough to make her look pretty . . It worked and i threw up while going at it
there are seriously like six guinea pigs in my bathtub right now
I just want him to slap me with his dick and call it love
When he grabbed my tits it felt like he was either giving me a mammogram or trying to pierce my nipples with his fingers.
You said that my dog would "complete your puzzle" then you got naked and took it behind the bar
I had sex with a Dutch boy on a rock last night. Happy graduation! x x
If my mom's not going to offer me drugs then it's really pointless for me to be here.
I am no longer drunk enough to crave tostitos
If it snows I'm making an igloo and getting wasted in it
Apparently she "missed me" and the only logical solution was to fuck my brother.
I made him laugh his dick is mine
I'm sorry I called your mother a reasonably-priced receptacle.
Dude. I’m playing chess through iMessage with a stripper. What has my life become.
Remembering you have vodka in the freezer gives the same surge of happiness as finding 20 bucks in a coat pocket.
Let me atleast have my coffee before you start talking about your penis
Randomize
