I thnk I just saw a monkey walking a drunk guy.
she thought Martin Luther king was a president at one time. I love knowing I broke up with my ex and this is what he ends up dating.
Only your vagina holds the key to what happened last night.
I miss being able to drink at 11am just cause it was sunny outside.
Now he's lighting his socks on fire
I just remembered you had me meet your law professor while I was wasted...how'd that go?
A total of 95 cents was stuck to my ass the next morning.
Dude...are you really going to start sexting during our friend's memorial service?
Google Maps needs to have a hungover setting. That bitch talks too loud and all I want is breakfast tacos & a bloody fucking mary.
I am the oldest one here and I STILL feel like I need an adult. help.
He seems like a nice guy. I mean, I know he's married and he's essentially paying me to be his side hoe, but he really seems like a good person.
I didn't think you wanted your identity stolen along with your dignity. My mistake.
Jus pulled over and stole. Corn out of a. Field. ... get on my level
I just upped my southern womanhood. Taking whiskey and Kleenex pocket packs to the funeral.
The school better be open next year. I’ve been FB stalking Dads of my incoming students and there’s serious DILFage in this class! Maybe 2020 will turn around!
It’s 2020. You’ll probably get knocked up. If you’re really lucky you’ll just get the clap
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