if you made me into a cookie and threw me into a betty crocker easy bake oven on christmas morning...that's how baked i am
Literally just as i started to cum the church bells next ot my house began to ring. either it was the most epic timing ever or god was watching and congratulating me
and I asked her"are you allergic to condoms latex like your older sister " she said "Idk this is gonna be my 1time"
I feel like my whole life has been one big pre-game for Mexico.
How dare you send me a picture after midnight that isn't porn. You know the rules.
Tell me why I'm at Target and this entire Spanish family is crowding around the condoms questioning which ones they should get
THAT WAS PROBABLY MY ONE CHANCE TO SLEEP WITH A MAN NAMED BORIS AND YOU RUINED IT.
And then the lady sheeps would bring me the finest grass to eat cuz im the sheep king and id have sexy smooth sheep fur
I feel like we should actually go to church one of these days to thank god for saving us from herpes and babies.
Please. That's just a patriotism boner. I watched Michael phelps win another medal and had to change my underwear.
Dude, did you know, your blood is contaminated with over 17 non-beer fluids?
.It's like gods test of willpower against vaginal comfort
earned some solid air miles from the plan B I just bought. #silverlinings
So how does one go about leaving their family vacation to hang out with someone they met on tinder
Okay, the good news, found Jared, all IDs accounted for, Jack is meeting us at yours with your requested the delivery. The bad news: Lost Alice, banned from Stages, possibly fucked my TA in the bathroom.
Randomize
