I'm on that like soy sauce on rice
Just brushed my teeth...forgot we used this toothbrush in bed last night.
Is it morally objectionable to repay my debt to society with drug money?
He paid me to blow him while doing a handstand. Does that make me a whore or just a budding gymnast?
But I was triple fisting doubles, that's bound to be a good time. Might have a broken collarbone though.
it's gotten to the point where there are no existing good choices. even our good choices are bad choice by anyone's standards but ours.
Seriously you have a sixth sense. You woke up out of a nap to tell us all to check the clock and it was 4:18. You're like the spiderman of smoking weed.
In brighter news I got condoms and a mattress protector today.
Look, if I'm too lazy to put any effort into sexting, you better believe I'm too lazy to put any effort into dating.
The fact that we all screamed by Felicia to a bitch actually named Felicia will be a highlight of my life
I am actually offended he hasn't asked me to sleep with him yet to get better grades...I wanted the whole college experience.
"Because this is an ongoing legal matter" is how his morning after sex text began. So...
I also tried to hide a bottle of vodka in a build a bear last night so that something that happened in my life
I guess I was telling girls last night that I was a virgin with terminal cancer again
so i put my jacket on last night that you wore last weekend, and reach inside the pockets and find them full of goldfish...
the snack that smiles back:)
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