i just went to use the bathroom this morning and I couldn't because there was someone puking in every stall. i'm going to miss the dorms this summer
if we break up, blackout me is coming back, making out with everything in sight
just to let you know, its not cheating if i cant feel my hands.
I found him CRAWLING across the garden. He saw me,smiled,and asked for a napkin.
Now accepting hypotheses about how i managed to get a bruise between my boobs....
please come over and have sex with me so we can talk about prom and kill 2 birds with one condom
You could breast feed yourself wine!! This shit is genius!
You know this who 'I show my love by being a total dick' thing is getting old, right?
He is like a dragon that makes me want to spread my butt cheeks, so he can fill me with hot fire.
We woke up in the room with a hamburger patty on the bed side table, one bun across the room, and the other bun under my pillow. Still don't know who ordered room service.
I have a pair of clean panties in my purse. This is having your life together.
I did cocaine off my boobs last night. Then I wrote two essays and went on a run. Go me
Drunk me started making nachos apparently but never got to the part with the cheese. There are chips everywhere
Ryan. I woke up. At the neighbors house. And by the neighbors. I mean the ones to the north. The ones that hate us. Please call me. I am so confused and you are gone
At the neighbors house?! Like in it or outside???
In it on the fucking couch. No idea how i got here.
Everyone needs to leave the house so I can use the good vibrator without being judged.
Randomize
