Upon hearing of his newfound access to every orifice... even ones he just made up... the Grinch's penis grew three sizes that day.
Elton John & Lady Gaga just did a duet on the Grammies. How appropriate. He likes cock & she happens to have one.
She wouldn't go home with me cause I forgot her name. I didn't realize it would matter after she danced with her vagina on my face
He always grinds on me and is like "This is awesome because we're both Catholic!"
I feel like somehow my uterus ended up in my ribcage from all the keg stands i did last night..
We had phone sex and he came in his sink. i will never eat off one of his plates again
it took me 20 minutes to get her upstairs... she crawled under a car and wouldn't come out.
So I just chugged the rest of the wine in my mug so I would have something to eat my corn flakes in. With a plastic fork. I need a dishwasher
And maybe a life coach?
Pencil dick carries the name proudly.
It was a shot marathon. It only ended because we werent drinking in our house apparently we walked into the nieghbors. When they got home thy were soooooo pissed.
Besides the one of you shaking your cock for 10sec that was one of the best snapchat's ever haha
Sorry I yelled at you and called you Amish and puked on your eggs
Well, I could just slap my dick to my phone and see what it says
Dont ask questions just say words. where can i find plan b?
On a scale of 1 to 10, with 1 being “good” and 10 being “banging a student’s father”, how bad is it that I’m banging a student’s father?
Randomize
