at 4 in the morning i heated a family sized mac n cheese for a minute and decided to eat it frozen cuz I didn't wanna wait for that long
on the last problem of the exam i just drew a picture of a cat and left
when a girl feels in her heart, the way she feels in her vagina, anything is possible.
He kept saying that the puke outside the theater wasn't his and it was all a set up to keep him from partying with the whores. Then he passed out on the sidewalk.
we just saw you getting yelled at by the cops for trying to 'hijack' a street sweeper...how have you not been arrested yet?
Me, him and the recently stolen carpet walked down the road and into the strip club. We had to check the carpet with our coats, it didn't mind missing out too much, later the door guy at Subway held carpet during late night sandwich selection.
Abby spilt her vodka all over the train's bathroom floor
WE'RE THE ONES DRESSED UP FOR THE LARGEST DRINKING HOLIDAY IN AMERICA WHO ELSE ON THIS TRAIN IS A SUSPECT FOR THIS SMELL?!
THANK YOU for not letting me make out with that girl omfg I was one step away from a foursome in the handicapped stall
his daughter has his phone and goesss ohhh boobies and shows me a picture of my own tits...
Sorry you had to clean the sheets with your macro notes
I went on a psycho cleaning spree so I feel I've earned the right to spend the day in bed watching porn and eating sausage biscuits. If you bring alcohol you can join me.
All other girlfriends are inferior. You are the chosen one.
Last night someone asked you what your favorite color was and you said "bagel."
I can tell that I'm high when listening to celine dion becomes such a life changing experience
How are you and the lady friend?
Well, she's a lunatic, and I love sex, so we're good.
I might have to quit marching band. It's affecting my drinking schedule
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