I'm on a mission to free the leash kids. Like liberating the Israelites from Egypt. Only better.
I learned his name tonight. This now makes him a real person. Obviously, I no longer want to sleep with him.
i walked toward the cop car thinking it was the liquor store lights nd by that time it was too late to escape the trap
She said my main job as maid of honor is to ensure the groom doesn't find out that each of his seven groomsmen has had his penis inside her.
Bullshit. No way. If I brushed past your penis it was completely coincidental.
He told me to fuck off at some point in the night. I think it was right before he jumped out of a moving car trying to get to another bar and made Abby cry.
I repeat the shot was ON FIRE. I am never going to a pirate bar again.
When your boyfriends ex-girlfriend texts you to see what you're wearing to his sister's wedding that you were not invited to, nor knew about. I think it's time to call it quits.
Using all my books as packing buffer for my liquor bottles. And you said being an English major was worthless.
The only thing I know is that these arent my shoes and Aaron is missing and he has my house keys.
OMG -- There are strippers in the bathroom crying because their power moves aren't good enough to win the competition
And let me tell you, getting your ass waxed is the weirdest fucking experience.
sex on acid sucks though, i want to connect with the universe not your dick.
Well shit I mean if you get a bunch of cashed up drunk lesbians together in a casino, it's bound to go south at some point
I woke up at 5am on my couch, naked, with a cereal bowl of water next to me. Apprently, drunk me thought I was a kitten last night. Super impressed I slept next to the bowl all night and didn't spill a drop.
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