Well listen chief - never again do i want the scenario of going to the ER totally naked and partially drunk to b a possibility.
Doo rag and shades in the bar. You are missing your future husband.
Imagine two people making love on top of a unicorn . . . my life is the opposite of that.
Think I'm gonna go cougar hunting tonight... Any advice?
condoms and good judgment
Can I buy both of those at the same store?
so after morning sex, she rolled a joint and turned on sports center
you might have found the rare bro goddess. i thought they were myth
i wish that every time i slipped on a sheet of ice i had the ability to recover with a michael jackson move
He kept singing "who's that peekin in my window" we thought he was high til we realized someone was lookin in the windows.
I puked in the revolving door and had to sit down on the escalator. That hungover. It's safe to say people are judging me.
The Swedes wanted a tensome.
Just thought you should know I'm having a reunion tour of Athens this weekend. Minus the weird guy I was fucking last time.
In my next life I better get to be a bird. Fuck flying. I'm gonna shit on your car. Every. Day.
that is terrible, if I can't drink Gatorade when I'm hungover I don't wanna live in this world. that's like denying wild rams to run free in the wild and frolic
"Like what guy would respond to 'let's fuck. I've got bagels'??"
In my dream I had to eat so many peanut butter and Nutella sandwiches
We were making out and truffle butter was playing in the background. I stopped mid make out session and said, "I'm really sorry but I have to rap Nicki's part."
Randomize
