Just did shots with my boss to warm up for our sales call to Childrens Hospital. I love startups.
i am officially better prepared for a hangover tomorrow than i was for christmas.
I'm making tacos. Give me one good reason why we shouldn't be high while eating those tacos.
this kid woke up on our hotel floor and doesnt know how he got here
on my way back.. me and that kid will be great friends
answered a 6 am booty call this morning...you were still in the er so I thought what the hell
Omg! I'm gonna have a heat stroke. I'm going to collect my sweat and drink it for a buzz and hydration purposes
She just locked herself in the bedroom with an unopened bottle of wine and a steak knife. Unfortunately for her fingers, I stopped giving a fuck two hours ago.
Passed out on the bench in the men's bathroom. Feel much better now.
Dude. Once again. Cleaning house. Found weed I hid from myself a month ago. Celebrating/testing it out. if i dont text back in 10, call dominos.
Dad was on the deck drinking straight bourbon. He stopped, puked on his feet, and then continued drinking and talking about compound interest.
I mean I kinda plunged vagina first into my last relationship
Also, you should've bet on Team Liver.
We won.
USA USA USA
Hey, thanks for not calling the cops when I answered the door naked, high as fuck, and covered in red velvet cake batter.
I just matched the dude who's car I rear ended 2 years ago on tinder. I don't think he remembers.
Cheyanne in woods. Ducks attacked. My toe is bleeding. We are gpsing our way home on foot. No worries
Randomize
