6 figure salary? he just got a little cuter.
I guess I should mention that I have already fucked the Fed Ex guy.
That changes everything.
He was about to puke, and so I handed him an empty beer can. In retrospect, not very helpful.
When u wake up, don't be alarmed by the passed out mariachi band, they're cool. Muchos gracias
The fact that she put a frat guy in check tells me I did some good raising my little sister. Time to see if she does keg stands.
I just found my "random bang list for summer of 2012" that I wrote last night.. It's written on a Plan B receipt. If this isn't irony I don't know what is.
I flossed his teeth and then we had sex in the bathroom. It just seemed like a good idea.
Btw I'm currently writing a paper in a beer garden. Be proud.
i wear a size 32DD bra. its basically impossible for me to get a speeding ticket
well you don't shave your pubes into a handlebar mustache and keep the party to yourself
FUCK. EVERYONE MAKE MY CONTACT NAME DADDY ISSUES
Ended up at the strip club, got told I should be a dancer 4 times, got free tacos and my hot TA slide in the dms. How was your night?
I just realized I'm having shark week, during shark week.
eating a weed cupcake with nutella on top at work. i AM a star!
"keg stand!" on a roof abruptly turned into "call the medics"
Randomize
