I can't believe you just became a stipulation in their divorce papers.
Woke up chewing my pillow from a dream where I was scarfing Cajun pasta from TGI Friday's. That's a new level of fat, even for us
Just signed my boyfriend up on a dating website so I could officially have a reason to leave him for my hot neighbor.
And next time please put a text between discussing my orgasms and discussing your son - that was weird.
Dont act like I'm the only one that gets on a plane and picks out the one im gonna have fuck if we have time before the crash
This taco party has no tacos, just a hot asian guy in booty shorts. We were lied to.
You shouted "FUCK SHANIA TWAIN" and then downed an Aquafina bottle of white wine none of us knew how to react
Let's just say that the best way to get a girls attention is not to slap her on the ass from the window of a moving cab.
Drunk girl in a bikini just tried to bite my face, it's officially spring break
Do you still speak french? one of two girls I woke up with only speaks french...
Sorry brah. Drastic times called for drastic measures and I had to go home and bang a cougar.
Wait I can't come yet Mr. Brightside is playing
ok i defs just took my shirt off in the middle of a frat party though so keep me updated
Now just crop his dad out and add it to the spank bank.
I'm trying to imagine how upset he was when he realized that he had been cockblocked by a picture of a sloth and I am drawing indescribable pleasure from it.
It's less than a hour into 2020 and I already want to punch some people in the face
Randomize
