Twist it, pull it, flick it... Bop it was like the first time I touched myself.
Balls are like the throw pillows of the penis
And then a tiny penis fell out of my purse
We just described beer as "big boy apple juice" to his 2 year old.
he asked if thats how we do it in the states..like there's cultural difference in fucking between canada and the us..
A true measure of a good friend is how long she responds to her friends drunken illogical texts. Youre a champ.
My glasses are somewhere in your living room. Also, my underwear might be in your bathroom or on or around your porch. Sorry.
I'd say I'd distract him, but I lose my psychic powers when guys get girlfriends. And by psychic powers I mean taking off my top.
Oh god. I finally realized why the coked out Stevie wonder was explaining the concept of movember to the McDonalds clerk. Drunk me didn't process that another month comes after Halloween... It's apparently November.
Some girl just ordered Chinese delivery to her therapy appointment...
My sister texted me to say she just found a corn on the cob in her purse from last night. You need to party with us more.
Learn from my mistakes. DO NOT try to steam a garment of clothing while you are wearing it. The burn is not worth the de-wrinkle.
Hes back in his dorm room dancing naked with 3D glasses on.
and he said that acid doesnt really do anything to him...
I just slammed a bottle of white wine before I came to Whole Foods so basically I'm just training to be a middle aged white woman.
I don't care. It's wine Wednesday get your gameface on.
Randomize
