Can i not drive my cunt home
just saw Chris Hanson on the street. looked immediately around for video cameras. why is that my immediate reaction?
i hope kanye doesn't show up to patrick swayze's funeral. " i'll let you get back to your funeral in a minute...but michael jackson had the best death of the year. just sayinnn ".
You act like I'm friends with her or something. I only screw her boyfriend!
Oh yeah.
he texted me at 1 in the morning to ask if i wanted to come over and play in the snow with him
at least he gets points for a creative booty call
Pregaming class all semester has made this final review session more like my introduction to the topic.
Judging that there's a photo of me getting head while sitting on a graveyard tombstone.....not good.
also, made a drinking game out of my birthday photos....drink everytime alcohol is in a photo. going through all 350 of them.
whats our policy on dating high schoolers?
we dont have a policy but im pretty sure the state of michigan does
About to throw up, bathroom line up, Bro sees me. Yells, 'PUKER GET OUT OF WAY' THEY ALL PARTED WAY THREW ME INTO A STALL AND CHEERED AS I THREW UP INTO THE TOILET. we are going back
STOP BUYING ALADDIN PANTS WITH MY AMAZON CREDIT CARD
We watched Purple Rain and then proceeded to have sex while listening to the album. If that's not exactly how Prince would want people to honor him, I don't know what is
You can't leave me alone in times of distress because I will fuck things 🙈😐
I swear to God...this day is one great big who's who in the land of fucked uppedness.
Guess how much it costs to flush your pants down the toilet?
Randomize
