i bet jesus would rush if he went to usc
she tasted like a mixture of sweat and destiny
If God had a period, it would result in diet faygo redpop
why isn't there a fb relationship option that says 'still banging my ex'
Well.. considering he unknowingly dated a prostitute, I consider myself the winner in that break up.
Ohh god. I'm so nervous. This is terrible. He just introduced me as "the best girlfriend of his life" and Jenny as his "sexual roomate"
You just kept walking around saying "my brain is soup" then sat on the kitchen counter washing your feet. You bit the guy that tried to help you down
New low: falling asleep with my face in the toilet only to be awoken when my hand slid down and touched the water. It's moments like these I wish I could forget.
She called him at 5 AM so that he'd be ready for her birthday breakfast and drinks at 6. This is why people don't need to wait until their 21st to have their first drink.
She brought over her portable harddrive and we dueled with porn. This relationship is too beautiful to last.
You told the entire smokers deck that you were blowing .08 now and anyone else willing later
Just went to my first strip club and they had Fox News on. Conservative booty time.
Please come check out theses cougars grinding on a pole. I feel like they're showing us up and we need a duel stat
i got drunk and started dancing with the plant because you were out of town
So this morning when I woke up. I found my refrigerator open and no more food. It was empty, I'm home alone for the week. Where in hell did that food go?
Randomize