I've done 29 out of the 30 things to do to a naked man according to Cosmo. I don't know if that makes me innovative or slutty.
Genius.
so while we were having sex, he stuck it in my but, and when he finished he goes next time can we have anal. i don't know if that means im tight or my butt hole is loose, i choose to think the first one
I've spent 9 hours vomitting in the fetal position... how did i stay like this for 9 months?
No subtext here. People are naked.
Foreign porn with subtitles is a little disappointing.
Just when you think you're never going to have sex again, BOOM you're naked in bed with a guatemalan
yep. it's official. for $40 they will let you lick the stripper pole.
I love you, but you should know I'll always ditch you for weed.
I'm trying not to drink. I may fall down if I move. This is bad. I had everclear before the bar. Oh no. Oh no. Breathe. Breathe. Breathe.
I asked if he wants to help me spring forward at 2am on Sunday. He seems down.
I'm pretty sure I said "this might be the last time I'm in here" but then I took his pants off so that's a mixed message
I'm still high with raccoon eyeliner eyes and chocolate all over my face and chest, clutching a mug of wine. Happy graduation.
I made everything so magnificently awkward in under 15 seconds. I am magic.
Can you come pick me up and take me to breakfast then the police station?
Where's your car?
The girl I brought home apparently stole it
Sometimes I look at dogs and just thing about how it's weird we both came from wolves
Lay off the drugs kid
Randomize
