Your girlfriend is a south jersey whore
Take one last look at my face, because I'm drinking it off tonight.
i cant get the smell of ass out of my nose
No we didn't have sex. I got my period on his finger.
It doesn't count as drinking alone if you're making rum cake with it.
She's making tacos & sangria tonight. I'm sure that's how the pilgrims pregamed.
she's using motion activated glade air fresheners as some sort of early warning system
He makes me want to shower. It must be love.
My vagina bone hurts from grinding on that dude so hard.
So which one of you fuckers changed my backgrounds while I was passed out to me holding a chicken like the statue of liberty?
Will you bring a case of beer down to the hot tub? Me and Phil don't want to feel feelings anymore
He sat next to me, put his arm around me, yelled at his girlfriend that he was breaking up with her, and told me I'm his little pet for the night.
Apparently, the Mormons have taken over airports. I was told by a befuddled looking clerk I couldn't buy a beer with breakfast before 6am.
I doubt the gods of funday Sunday would exact such a high price... But it's good to know an afternoon with me is worth a left foot.
I have more important things to worry about than you drowning your cheerios in tequila.
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