At least we lost an hour tonight! Less time to make a fool of myself
i just ordered a pitcher of margaritas for me and a friend but she called and canceled. oh well, looks like im getting trashed alone.
the waiter who hardly speaks english told me "i go get your medicine now"
this medicine is soooo good.
I'm pretty sure his head is too big to fit between my legs. Worthless.
he was fingering me to the beat of a lady gaga song. new high? new low? i don know, but i came, so whatever.
I don't wanna do a drive in or see a movie tonight. I wanna play some Golden Tee and butt fuck a girl in the bathroom of some bar and proceed with Golden Tee
I've had enough of this chick, she wanted to cuddle after giving me a handjob. I feel like I'm in junior high
He was in me and said I can't believe this happened because of facebook. MOOD KILLER.
After waking up today, I would like to find the Jesus preachers on campus to ask for help in asking for forgiveness to God.
In all honesty of all my sexual conquests, his dick is probably my proudest moment.
Oh and probably wearing a life jacket instead of clothes didn't help things either
Would I be bad if I bought a pregnancy test at shoppers the same time I hand in a resume? Or do you think it would get me the job?
wine pong. its mother daughter day and i think she's mad. I smell like jager
He leaned over in the middle of the movie and said "My dick's name is Juan". WHO DOES THAT?
So Doritos and vodka was obviously not as good an idea as I thought at the time.
PSA- Wearing assless chaps results in embarrassingly painful sunburn
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