it's a girl!!
That's great, I look forward to meeting her in 18 years
i was like a deer caught in headlights with its coke-dick hanging out
Did you wake up with "jello shots" stamped on your hand too?
Lesson Learned this Week... If it seems too good to be true he is probably just trying to get you pregnant.
Dude, didnt you only know that guy for a month and he is demanding offspring?
Apparently, at this age my womb is an early conversation
oh great, iTunes now thinks im gay.
I definitely recall eating shredded cheese out of the bag while you were wearing that apron.
Sometimes I wish I could open my skin and just take a little peek at my liver. You know, just to see if it's rotten yet or still perfect looking.
You broke the end off a wine bottle, ran outside and screamed "FOR NARNIA!!"
Is it really road head if took place on kayaks in the river?
I just set a reminder on my phone to get star spangled hammered this weekend.
My philosophy is thug life and that means never having to say your sorry for stealing drinks off tables
I just walked out topless, stared his brother straight in the eye, and ate all the rest of their cookie dough.
Almost stopped showering halfway through to go get food
Can you hurry up? Jamie just challenged my ex boyfriend to a duel and someone honest to God handed her a sword?
She didn't have her own?
Tonight was a total waste of a shaved vagina
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