i just found a plastic monkey in my sweatshirt pocket
Umm I had a plastic mermaid in my pants......
Really
You win
The pirates hijacked 3 more ships today!!
we need a boat to join in
Obama is on top of it we'd get killed within mins, but we'd live in legend foreva
He was actually able to throw up in the bucket from the top bunk. im impressed.
Some asshole just brought BK into my summer class, im already high as hell, i did not need another way to not pay attention
Yes..we had amazing sex that I have a 50 percent chance of remembering.
by the end of the night two people were passed out at the table, three on the couches, and one in the bathroom. it looked like someone pumped sleeping gas into the middle of a dinner party.
That kid who fell through your coffee table is here. In a toga.
found a better reason to procrastinate than the usual sunday-don't-give-no-fucks. literally every one of my textbooks is soaked in captain. can't turn a page without gagging.
I just got attacked by a swarm of butterflies. Nothing is okay anymore.
Sloppy and selfish. Your 27 and you don't know where my clit is? BYEEE
had a nice chat with the older gay fellow who works in the bakery at the new vons about vday...we both feel that it's a day of dashed expectations & concerns that we'll have to be cut out of our spanx
He was so energetic. It was like screwing a bunny.
He tried to kiss me in the middle of hooking up... it was a deal breaker. I got off him and left.
So making out with chicks at the bar is fine and dandy, but your booty call can't kiss you? You have the strangest fucking rules...
U just kept yelling her vagina wasn't a priority bc u had a bowl of cheerios calling your name
We have ur drink. Mom passed out in the bathroom. I'm goin to the other bathroom. Bs at the top of the stairs on way outside.
Randomize
