If I remember correctly, I may have been smoking a cigarette on the dance floor. This is the true sign of a douchebag in his native habitat...fmylife
Encyclopedia Brown and the case of the missing condom.
I hope Brown isn't a clue to its whereabouts.
Hey, my drug test is at 4:15 tomorrow. I'll meet you 5 minutes later.
I think if I could use my boobs as a second pair of hands everything would be ok
I want to bury your face in my vagina. Possibly by force. I will try not to suffocate you though.
Looking for things to spread butter on. Found men's briefs in garbage can. Lost insurance card. Summer has finally arrived
Remembering I sold my brand new Blackberry to a stranger for a few pints = Worst night of my life. Now to work out what I did with my shoes.
I wouldn't be too worried. He's been known to chase a chubby before.
THAT IS NOT HOW YOU TALK TO YOUR SISTER
I forgot to pack a bra for work today...you would not believe the extremes i've had to go through in order to keep these nips from my coworkers
Just heard a girl ask "Wait you're not my boyfriend?!" to a guy wearing the Mickey to her Minnie Mouse on my way home. Made me feel better about myself.
How do we have all these hot friends who we never do body shots off of
This is the drunkest I've ever been at a chili's
All I know, is I had green sex and beer and got driven home. That's it.
Act your age.
I am. I'm acting like a drunk 20 year old.
Just because you can't have him, doesn't mean you can have his brother.
What about the best friend?
Randomize
