if i wake u up at 5am tmrw by coming into ur room wearing nothing but my indiana jones hat and purple socks while singing 'courtesy of the red white + blue' will u be pleased or annoyed
keep in mind this isn't open to negotiation, i'm just trying to gauge ur reaction
is the shake weight an appropriate valentine's day present?
Can we have fireworks this year or will the ocean explode?
I will never in my life forget you letting the cat lick your tongue
She was wasted talking to my dad about the hunger games than she passed out in the shower and flooded the hotel room...
Please acknowledge the sock on the door. If not it will be rammed up your ass.
I ate the most amazing corn dog today.
I will probably dream about it.
She has "Massive Shits" listed as a turn off. That's very specific and there's a story behind it I bet.
Sweet, got a date tomorrow night
He sent me a blank text message. That's a booty call waiting to happen
My manager said you offered to make out with him to ensure I keep my job if I didn't show up to work today
She showed up at 4:30 in the morning HAMMERED, stripped, demanded sex, then after 4 failed attempts stopped me mid-thrust to tell me she thought we should be fucking for a cause, like animal rights. Process that for a second. She wanted us to be fucking for animal rights.
Let's be honest, college orientation is going to be "here's how to drink everclear"
You wouldnt listen to us when we told you there was no place that was selling girlscout cookies at 4:30am...
I'm about to do something based solely on the fact that a fortune cookie told me to. This may not end well.
Grandma said I got a good handjob. I think she meant manicure.
Randomize
