I think we should involve a squid next time we fuck.
u kno there is a reason i dont tell mi friends about u
My birth control alarm just woke me up from my dream where I was pregnant. Thank god.
Joey just asked me if I ever got anything stuck in my vag.
was it embarrassing when you had to say yes?
Having drunken flash backs of me giving you a piggy back ride. I was like Jesus, and you were my cross. I fell so many times for you. This is true friendship.
Do you remember calling yourself Captain Cockblock and openly giving out everyones sexual history? Because you did.
hr gave me pretxwk salad and a doubke shot of grey goose. i approve! tou guys are a beautidil couple.
I took 36 pictures of my lava lamp. your weed wins.
Could we try to replay the decision making process whereby only you and I bought and drank a keg this weekend? Because there were some fundamental flaws!
with hottub sex, handcuffs, Pocahontas themed lap dances, and eating pumpkin pie off each other, I'm gonna say thanksgiving will be a success ;)
Jesus fuck that was emotional whiplash
I will take a ruler to your dick so help me god
You left your Xanax bottle in my car. Why is the label all smudged?
I spilled wine on it.
I'M SO HIGH I FORGOT HOW TO EAT A STRAWBERRY. A FUCKING STRAWBERRY.
so i might have slept on your bathroom floor last night...
OH GOD IT TASTES LIKE IT SMELLS
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