I wonder if she has a lisp when she orgasms...
This bar is like a mediocre whore house....but free
Tim hortons said i dont meet their criteria. What the fuck criteria is that? You put bagels in an oven.
I didnt expect it either. But she was there and I had a boner, so i made it happen.
Im watching hello kitty on qvc debating if its a good idea to cook bagel bites on my space heater
Fat lady wearing Shape Up's. I would feel bad making crude comments, but she has to know it's coming.
Girl walking by was talking on the phone about how he needed to write a gratitude list in her letter to god this week. Too stoned
If it was designed to hold water, it was designer to hold wine
This would be a good time for the don't get drunk and bang a married chick pep talk...
I'm in the city buying alcohol. I just got warned by a homeless man on the street that I shouldn't look so pretty "in these parts"
DO IT, or I'll send you pictures of my hickey to remind you of your loneliness
tell her i changed her phone's unlock password to be the length of my fully erect penis in centimeters. I'll be in my room for the next two hours.
Your level of morning after guilt is too much right now. Do less.
The last person that asked me out got pushed down an escalator
There's nothing like when u really click with a stripper
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