I just broke up with Liz. I feel awful so I put two free rentals on her Blockbuster account.
You are in charge of making sure that her vagina explodes with joy tonight.
I've been very busy/drunk lately... Sorry.
Hey, hey, hey, hey. This is a hurriCAN.
Apparently I told his new girlfriend to stop swallowing because she's getting fat. Oh, and I yelled this across a large room
I pulled out moves I did not even know I possessed, our fucking de-throned gods
Me, him and the recently stolen carpet walked down the road and into the strip club. We had to check the carpet with our coats, it didn't mind missing out too much, later the door guy at Subway held carpet during late night sandwich selection.
I'm just gonna use that pot butter as dip for chips. That's fat, American AND stoner!
Better safe and shitfaced than hungover and in need of another surgery.
So I have been told that I licked your eyebrows last night
I'm very impressed by your ability to explain a story about your fiery snatch solely in emojis. props.
I remember the Prince Albert and the three penises in the threesome. But the rest no.
Great litmus test for what a useless adult you are: amount of shame you feel while eating a coffee cup of Fruity Pebbles
This is a test message to see whether or not the recipient is alive.
Funniest thing happened to Chloe! She talked the bf into a mmf threesome, and he loudly and enthusiastically discovered he was gay during it. Whole dorm literally heard it happen.Well funny for me. Chloe not so much.
Randomize