i just ordered a pitcher of margaritas for me and a friend but she called and canceled. oh well, looks like im getting trashed alone.
the waiter who hardly speaks english told me "i go get your medicine now"
this medicine is soooo good.
hide the guitars, Nate just learned to play free fallin'
i normally make it a rule to leave when white people start rapping... but they had blow.
I think that's the first time i've seen 'you look like an ugly version of my ex' work as a pickup line
He had a ladies night special at his place. Unlimited jello shots till 10, 50 cents after.
No, he attached a coozie to his crutches so he can carry his beer around the party.
i think my love is proven by the fact that i still want to have sex with you after this conversation
Theme for your birthday? Beer olympics in S&M costumes? Sounds like a nice little saturday
I wish dancing around my house in my bra and underwear to Love Shack whilst eating strawberry cake batter was an acceptable form of exercise.
there isn't one for "I'll give you an I'm sorry blowjob" but that's also an option you have. in the meantime here is an emoticon of a caterpillar
The bartender seems to not like the DD's anymore. I'm sad
My bathing suit kept falling whenever I went under a wave and this kid caught on and kept checking them out so I told him nothing comes free $5 a boob
I just watched a porn called gay of thrones and I think I've reached a new low in my life
It all started with a game of naked twister.
I need like a billion tiny bottles of alcohol to put in the patron pinatas
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