When i light up a cigarette people look at of like i'm going to pee on their children.
Am I allowed to make my facebook status "loves farting in chairs"? I think it would shock every boy that I am friends with.
i now officially have to be stoned in order to look like my passport when i go to a different country
Why have her stay eight hours when I only last eight minutes?
FYI: telling a guy his dick is more impressive than you remembered it - they don't take it as a compliment.
She said we couldnt stop drinking until there were enough bottles to make a fort. so we could have sex in our "bottle castle"
Rainbow fish was a wild success, got wasted at 6 gave away most my scales and made out with max from where the wild things are.You'd be so proud
they wouldnt let me drive the convertible because i was in a bird suit :(
You wouldn't believe how many pro-life stickers, and "show us your tits" signs there are between here and Dallas.
he sneezed into my face mid-kiss
Bless his heart
If there was a gecko involved in your BDSM I'm gonna have to request that not happen when we live together ;)
I'm so festive that I used my jack o lantern bucket as a just in case barf bin
I love how my parents bring water bottles filled with vodka on family trips
You got drunk, made toast, and declared yourself a domestic goddess.
Mandatory face masks - finally, a solution for lip augmentation failures and bad breath.
Randomize
