Do you think the new Crest Whitestrips Advance Seal would stay on while I give him head? It would be great to knock out 2 things at once...
I just told my parents that Capt'n Crunch does weird things to my mouth... my dad just stared at me
my boss made my mugshot into an 'employee of the month' poster.
Just so you're aware, tomorrow is "Slow Clap when you see Mike" day.
She gets me. First thing she said this morning "I'll buy breakfast if you can tell me my name."
You should make it a point to use vocabulary that is competition appropriate around him, like "champion" and "training" and "victory sex"
Blood and glitter go together right?
Dude you're alone at a bar with a woman, and you're talking about my junk?
just woke up in a camero on the way to nebraska, i would appreciate it if you answered your phone.
We called dibs on each other's genitals. That bond is unbreakable.
So apparently I ended up throwing my clothes in the toilet after getting kicked out of TQ and ran around the neighborhood in my boxers. Works gonna suck hard once this hangover kicks in. Also: I lost a shoe so looks like flipflops for the rest of winter
I hugged the bouncer as we left.
So apparently someone caught him as he was falling. And carried him around the rest of the night.
His last Google search was "will sperm ruin the retina display on Apple products?"
EW FUCK GROSS GODDAMMIT I WENT DOWNSTAIRS AND MY GODDAMN BROTHER WAS FINGERING SOME GIRL ON THE FLOOR DOESN'T HE KNOW HE FUCKING LIVES WITH PEOPLE
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