I mean don't get me wrong, vaginas are terrifying, they look so sneaky with all their layers and secret compartments and trap doors
I haven't gotten laid in forever. I'm obsessed. I imagine I this is how Ethopians feel about food.
Why do I have peacock feathers super glued to my body?
Hmmm just stalked him and according to his facebook he wants "whatever he can get." obviously he'd be open to the idea.
We are going to be Siegfried and Roy for Halloween and you are going to be the tiger.
THIS ISN'T WORKING THIS IS THE DRUNK LEADING THE DRUNK
Was behind a guy going 20 for 4 miles I'll be there as soon as the universe quits fucking me
Just turned your apartment into a democracy and were voting on who takes shots next
Is it wrong I want to seduce my ex to prove the point to his current gf he's an ass?
you stuck pieces of bread to your face with peanut butter and asked if it looked like you had a facial yeast infection.
ohhhh that's why they asked me to leave...
I have to stop letting him stay all weekend. I feel like a cored apple.
Somehow i instagrammed my acceptance letter while blacked out. Then my grandma was the first to comment on it. I got over 50 likes....Phd here I come....
How is it that on the one day I'm just moving my car at 6:30 I get the walk of shame looks but when I come home at 9 am in a torn dress holding heels old ladies smile at me?
I dont remember you getting a condom thrown at you. I think I had a concusion
IM HAMMERED AND JUST HAD CHEESECAKE THAT MADE ME FEEL LIKE NO MAN HAS EVER MADE BE FEEL BEFORE.
Randomize
