I'm at some bar in brklyn... just made out with a guy named Owen.
He is a pre-school teacher... just sang me a song about weather.
i am too hungover to go to class can you just call me and put it on speaker phone
when he put a condom on for a handjob cuz he didn't want to "blow his load in the car" i started to question my choice in guys..
it's only monday and im already failing all my classes. i give up. tequila tuesday is my only friend.
ugh... thank God for ATM withdrawal limits. I was drunk enough to give that weird shaped stripper all of my money while making her cry in the back room.
I dont know about you but I'm not getting out of bed this summer for anything but food or sex
Is adulthood just morning sex and then walking through the grocery store 20 min later looking for something to take to work for lunch?
...and then running into your dad at said grocery store...
They were swingers. Real swingers. Thought it was going to be awesome until some fat guy tried to put my dick in his mouth.
I brought ur friend Scotty home... He started rubbing my crotch then fell down and passed out in front of the microwave
Did I run away from you last night?
Yeah it was a great moment for our friendship
He claimed he was the best ass eater of the south. He was right.
Desperate times call for desperate measures. But he promised me no small talk so that was nice
My sex toys have been held in customs for almost a month now. They're British, what the hell?!?
You have the perkiest tits in all of North America. You're fine.
i like that he makes me laugh. those are like my two favorite things. laughing and fucking.
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