I think my hot accountant is wearing banana republic. I miss the days when that ='ed gay. Signals are so confusing now.
WHOA. WHOA. WTF. WHOA. TOO HIGH FOR HIM TO BE ENGAGED RIGHT NOW.
I'm going to look like a jackass in the Mexican newspaper tomorrow.
Some lady old enough to be our mom took us home, made me eggs and he still got some. Where do I claim my best wingman/sister trophy?
It was relaxing until your penis crawled in my ear.
Let me know when ur ready so I can throw up one last time then brush my teeth
My boss just told me not to come back to work if I decide to drink. Challenge accepted.
I'm scared to see what happens if we keep winning like this. I don't think there enough livers for every one after the season is over.
Question: If I got in a car accident and lost my memory of us, would you work your way back just so we could be fuck buddies again?
I'm watching The Vow and just need to know that I'm loved in some way
I would like to request a high five for getting laid while wearing crocs and a crab hat.
I have managed to reach the 'after meth poster look' before lunch here...
Sorry I couldn't reference you in my facebook quote. I will redirect any likes and comments straight to my blowjob efforts this week.
He was imitating a sprinkler when he started puking. Hence- vomit sprinkler. Some people just can't handle their tequila
I just sent him a message bearing my soul about how much he means to me as a friend and his first response is "are you drunk?"
Shit like this is why I'm a bitch to everyone.
Dude, I just feel great. I love life so much and I love you. Love. Love. So much love.
Randomize
