guess who just spent driver's ed figuring out how to draw a guy giving head
I'm so drunk I cant read cursive anymore.
Gonna get hammered and start online dating men in prison. But... only the ones who get out within two years.
Girl's gotta have her standards.
you threw up in the bushes next to the ABC store and kept saying "you're home, blueberry vodka, you're home!"
I woke up in what appears to be a taco bell graveyard in my bed.
He is passed out on the kitchen floor. He will fight you if you disturb him. Just a warning.
I think im drinking tonight later on...which is good cuz i walked pass the liquor aisle the other day and i swear i heard a kid call me a pussy
just had an awkward elevator run in with that guy you puked on
Whats proper etiquette for apologizing to your wife for being so drunk you stood up and pissed on the bedroom floor next to the bed?
I wore home his HoHoHo boxers. I've never felt such a connection to an article of clothing.
Just brought out that old CCM hockey helmet. The one covered in sharpie penises with "DRUNK BUCKET" written across the front. The number of tally marks / initials from tonight's drunk stunts alone is equal parts inspiring and alarming.
I told the American that we should start banging in Canada incase I get hurt and have to go to the hospital.. is that rude to say?
I'm allotting you four buildings to piss on tonight. Choose wisely.
I'm just glad I met someone who probably won't punch you in the face
He went down on me while I was on the phone with my grandma.
Randomize
