Just seen on a tshirt : "fake titties taste funny"
Just tried on my bathing suit for the first time this year. Had to drink a beer to numb the pain.
Remind me if I threw up on you last night or if that was just a dream.
This girl can open a bottle without using her hands and she's 21. She meets my standards
Sorry I sent so many blank messages. My hands are slippery. Don't ask why.
He just called me juicy booty via text message.
Sometimes I wish I could open my skin and just take a little peek at my liver. You know, just to see if it's rotten yet or still perfect looking.
And I'm also limping. I just wish that I had self control. I'm 23 for fuck sake and I'm sitting at work, with mascara down my face, vomit on my clothes and an unknown black substance on my tits. How will I ever find my Greek husband if I keep this up?
No. I'm just saying it shows no signs of stopping. My dad was a man-whore well into his 50s.
AND FUCKING MGMT JUST CAME ON. CAN I GO DROWN MYSELF IN LESBIANS OR SOMETHING? IS IT TIME TO LESBIAN
we're fated to lesbian
Awkwardly walking by your fuck buddy and waving a casual hi in his direction like nothing has happened is probably the best thing in my life
We have such limited time together he literally sends me text messages that are like "I sent my roommates on an impossible quest, we have 15 minutes." it's that bad.
I thought I was heading girls talk. It was the toilet. Like put my ear to it
Remember when I got punched in the face on NYE last year? I don't
just walked passed a black light...apparently he DID cum.
Randomize