Apparently you walked through my house with your dress on your head
I dont remember anything after Tequila & Apple Juice. May have disovered the recipe for mental bleach.
we went to sleep in different beds and woke up spooning. alcohol truly is the anti-cockblocker.
At a Jewish lesbian wedding. I stick out like a sore, uncircumcised penis.
Am I the only one creeped out by the guy asleep behind our couch?
do you remember yelling at the waitress that you were a power bottom?
I feel like everytime I call him he's either fucking or getting into trouble. It's really disturbing that he presses the answer button and then proceeds to fuck her harder.
the gays at disneyland are vicious
My roommate comes home screaming, I brought you home a friend! I thought she brought me a guy...no, she brought home a one-eyed shih tzu.
My tweets this weekend consisted of me telling every bar I went to that they were my favorite valentine. I've never felt like more of an alcoholic
I gave the bike taxi guy a blowjob because I didn't have any cash. College.
I should get an "I gave blood today" type of sticker, but instead it would say "I went balls deep today"
You haven't lived until you have fucked while Fantasia is on
the puppy had a little leather gag and was using a ball gag as a fetch toy
I don't know, we got really drunk and I slapped her with an ear of corn.
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