is it wrong that i woudl like to tie u down to the baby changing station using the straps provided?
the toilet has never flushed louder then when you sneak home drunk and try to avoid your parents hearing you puke.
It's a pity Stephen Hawking can't do sarcasm.
watchout when you come home, dougs at the top of the stairs naked eating doritos
In case you were wondering, my scare crow is wearing your outfit from last night.
Def regretting not writing "will blow for extra credit" on my last final
Does peppermint hummus sound good or am I just high?
How did I end up in the pool?!
Welcome to ASU
Just called a girl a cunt over peanuts. I think we both know it wasn't just about the peanuts.
I received a text promising me sex if I drove to Memphis this weekend. Too bad for my penis that we're watching zombie movies and playing cards.
You're too young to have this sort of Grizzled Old Drunk In Roadside Bar wisdom.
In an unrelated matter, im gonna eat you out so much later.
I accused him of not drinking enough alcohol and eating tacos after midnight. I was sober and he's not a gremlin. I would say bad.
I bet you there is porn for people who get off on someone rubbing Chipotle on themselves
i keep smelling vagina and donuts, which pretty much sumarises this morning. happy birthday.
Randomize
