He keeps looking? I tried to shag. I invited him to this table but he went to ze other one! If he shaves his 'tache I would totally hit it.
i can't believe i haven't brushed my teeth. and i just kissed my grandma. I'm going to hell.
Yeah i'm definitely friends with drunk kyle, not sober kyle.
This sounds like "Sober" Ericka. Sorry that message wasn't for you. I only do business with "Fell off the wagon" Ericka. Please pass that message along to her.
I'm already mentally preparing myself for the fact that I'll probably be sleeping next to a toilet.
We're at the hospital. She got a head rush and fell and now blood everywhere. Smoke the rest, just save her a bowl
i know i said i'd always be there for you, but i'm beginning to think that what you call "being there for me" the american judicial system calls reckless endangerment.
Dude I woke up in her bed wearing a top hat and bunny slippers and noticed one of us had pissed in bed. The last thing I wanted to ask for was a ride home
Um...It has come to my attention that I may have said some rather vulgar things about Sean Connery to you and anyone listening last night, so...I apologize for that. I meant the things I said. But still. Sorry.
I'm wearing the monkey suit out tonight. I hope you're ok with it leaving the bedroom
Last night when I blacked out, I ate Chef Boyardee. I never want to be that drunk ever, ever again.
What do I have to do?! Spell it out for him? Why can't he just plow me and pull my hair at the same time
You are my new hero
God I need to hump something, right now.
We were totally high while having sex, I told him fast or slow, just follow your balls. That was a show stopper.
I'm not gonna lie, but for some reason I have this strong desire to watch porn with my pint of haagen das.
Randomize
