why did u let me go home with him last night?
u were determined it was a good idea
Please, let me fuck your mom
Not everyone can get ass. Some people are good at building rockets. You’re good at sleeping with many men. It’s an art.
NBC reported that a group almost has enough signatures to submit pole dancing as an Olympic sport in 2016...
God I fucking love America.
her and i fucked to a michael jackson song and she had it memorized so she squealed every time he did
the threesome consisted of him fingering dana while i laid next to them watching how i met your mother.
It says a lot about how well I know you when I can understand messages of yours that say things like "sauteed Jesus."
He seemed like a really nice guy. He tried to dry my shirt because someone spilled their drink on me. I think that's how I ended up topless on his dryer.
Last night you told me to stop being Martha Stewart and asked if I had Taco Bell in my house
Too many penises have met your hands. Stop or die.
just almost had a panic attack because i couldn't find the granola bar i put in my purse. i miss klonopin.
On the flip side, we did almost have sex wearing a gorilla mask and deer antlers.............
Thought the acid was fake. Then my reflection didn't move when I did in the bathroom.
How do you say, "I love you, but i prefer sex with someone else." in a good way? Ponder that over a jack and coke and get back to me.
I may or may not be drinking in a church parking lot.
Randomize
