Sex don't cost a thang now that you can buy trojans with meal points.
I feel like our house is getting pulled over.
remember last night when you and I took turns yelling THIS IS HUGE in my dogs faces? I love wine night.
Starting drinking whiskey at eight. Already had ten girls looking up my kilt to make sure I'm wearing it right.
All I remember is him trying to go down on me, but I guess I was too busy making out with his brother
I dont know how to respond to your rave picture. I mean yeah, he's hot, but it just seems wrong to be like "Please tell me you fucked that guy with the pacifier!"
after she pushed someone down the stairs to get more vodka we lost her for a while and found her on the pole in the garage pouring water on herself
U offered to motor boat her and it somehow turned into u two going on a sunset cruise in Newport. At 3am.
Dude, you vomitted into a trashcan wearing your bear hands and high heels. Your drug dealer even said that was rough.
Grindr hookup awareness: always make sure that you agree to blow one person and they aren't bringing a Friend/boyfriend. Shits weird when you're sober.
Does your balding hurt less when a 19 year old holds your hand?
Unfortunately i'm awake, hungover, and covered in something I'm pretty sure is Easy Cheese. Send help.
We got really excited for country fried steak then we had sex.
He drove me to my therapist appointment because I was too drunk to drive. Total keeper.
Wakes up in a cold sweat at 3am, 136 unread messages and the preview on the notification is "I JUST GOT TO THE INCEST PART"
Randomize
