there is this woman at the counter who looks identical to linda ellerbee. and she's grinning. COME. INSIDE. NOW.
Eliza got arrested. What's the protocol on eating an arrested person's sandwich?
I need a leash, or some shame. Maybe.
haha she has always seemed a little off. when i met her i was told she was the queen slut. and she had a crown on at the time. it seemed appropriate.
Also, no joke, I think that raccoon hair is still in my eye from last night.
Why were my jeans in the freezer of the mini fridge, and how long have they been in there? On another note, I found my teacher's ID badge.
It was super embarrassing when I had to tell my brother, in front of my mother, that my wifi password was Drinkupbitches. Thanks for providing that lovely family moment.
Aaand now my client contact has seen your boobs.
Yeah she let me pull the goalie and wear my USA flag like a cape since it was the first day of the world cup
I have no concept of chastity or moderation, she is a Catholic guilt poster child, how could I not try to hit that
She's walking to the bar while holding a fifth of fireball, talking on the phone and puking like its nothing out of the ordinary
He isn't understanding any of my Fetty Wap references. He may not be a keeper after all.
She wore her engagement ring the whole time we fucked. I hate her fiancee, so it was cool
I have a burn on my hand, I'm covered in bruises, I think my toe is broken, and I have no clothes to wear home.
I called him the wrong name all night, yet I still got a ride home from the party and hooked up with the guy. I'm irresistible.
Randomize
