Kareoke will never be a sober sport
He gave me the "I've pictured you while jerkin off" look
He spent most of his night trying to convince people that he had changed and was no longer a sleazebag...he had his nut hanging out of his pants about an hour later.
She said, and I quote "how do you run with something that big between your legs".
I just broke a sweat shaving my own vagina. Something has got to change.
i don't know what happened by from the looks of her lipstick I'd say she was skull fucked by a rhino
At this point the smell of shame has become my natural musk
Well watching will be involved...it'll just most likely be of me licking your penis instead of me trying to understand how Hans Solo goes up against the Galactic Empire...
i know. like I have the nerve to talk about poverty. I eat peanut butter out of the jar.
All I'm saying is that any 24 year old guy who sends me a snapchat from the vantage point of his dick with the caption "hiding behind my weiner" is off my list potentially dateable guys.
There's a ton of international students in my suite and I'm just sitting in this chair with no pants on eating frosted flakes
the fact that you have a guy named the "i want you to tie me up and fuck me" guy speaks volumes about your life.
Well i would have gone to the bar but Satan decided to hold his rituals in my uterus.
Taking dicks and breaking hearts, no better life
The lady at the front desk wished you a happy hangover.
Randomize
