a slip n slide in 50degree weather was the 2nd dumbest thing i have ever done. the 1st was hitting the wooden fence i believed was supposed to "help us stop"
NoDDING MY HEAD LIKE uyuEAH MOViUNG MY HiPS LioKe YEAhhhhhhhhhhh
wow.
Apparently I fed my Plan B to my turtle last night.
It's Christmas week. I wouldn't know what to do if i wasn't hung over.
Her legal name is Candy. Her being a whore is implied.
What do you need? A swimsuit and a liver of steel? What else?
He came up behind me making dolphin noises in my ear when I noticed a collection of hors d'ouevres from the reception earlier in his jacket pocket
I will never doubt you again...he IS perfect for you
You asked me if you could throw up in my shoe.
You don't put off sexcapades. Life lesson #1.
So I found where you barfed in my house. Just wanted to let you know that my cat barfed on the kitchen floor in a show of solidarity
My ultimate goal is to get laid wearing a horse mask... That would be awesome on all possible levels
In the last six hours i have procured a free sandwich, watched three movies, and came to orgasm. If that isn't productivity then i don't know what is.
I told her I had a small penis. Then replied if Peter Pan won with a dagger then so can I
Tequila is never to blame. We all make good choices under tequila
I'm drunkenly throwing popcorn at a spider, fuck him. Why does his scary 8 legs get to be happy?
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