The vibrating part of my dildo broke, now I have to rely on gyration.
I'm seriously so bored I'm seeing how many rooms I can masturbate in before I get caught.
Four. Poor grandma...
"Does your mom know how big your cock is?" Worst dirty talk I've ever had.
The coffee and champagne are fighting over who gets to absorb the one pancake in my stomach
Crisis Situation. How do you have that "we probably shouldn't make out tonight cause i've got an oral herpes outbreak coming on" conversation on a third date.
every time i wear that dress i get kicked out of a bar.
i've really grown. sober me left an alarm for me every 10 minutes that said NO FAT CHICKS!
dude. im stealing that.
Half my face is frozen, my vagina is broken, I'm wearing only gym shorts eating a plate of mashed potatoes, avatar is on my tv. There's a naked guy on my couch whose name idk. I needa talk to you asap
I tried to convince the Lobo Card people to take my pic with my sunglasses on because I will probably always be this hungover.
So apparently the only parts of last night I remember didn't actually happen.. When did vodka become a hallucinogen?
Yeahhh, apparently my brothers think its ok not to check on me if a creeper is talking to me bc i "like those weirdo types"
There's scrapes on the inside of both my thighs.. Because we wanted to get drunk and climb trees naked.
I just realized I donated our bong to goodwill.. RIP Kimbo Slice
You suck, She hit so hard.
Just had to stop myself from doing a bump on the Disney bus. The struggle is real.
A girl just managed to steal a whole gallon of ice cream. I'm letting her go because that is impressive.
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