Nothing ended up happening last night because he couldn't get my overalls or fanny pack off. I woke up this morning with one strap over my overall shorts on, my fanny pack wrapped around my chest, and the baby doll still tied to my hand. Ugh white trash parties!
I can totally hide my daquiri in my sling.
not sure what to think.... picked her up and her dad says "if you take her home, you'll regret it"
I'm pretty sure I have a cold now from having sex on the hood of my car in the rain. Worth it? Absolutely.
I woke up to find that chris drank one of my contacts.
Yeah he's good at that.
Just got a blowie during the Avengers. It's weird knowing that the high point of your life just happened.
I know how to make vodka btw in case you want to come over and do a science project
On the plus side, I got cel phone video of a major fox news host doing coke.
after the fucking you spent twenty minutes vomiting naked and shaking your dick at my roommates. luckily, i don't remember that, or i'd have to be really insulted.
Master Skywalker, there are too many of them. What am I going to do?
Hit on the one in the red shorts. The thirst is strong with this one.
I just instagramed a picture of an ostrich in case you were wondering what I did with my night
He texted me at 2am telling me to come get my American flag from his place, if that's not code for sex idk what is
I just want the relationship Bob and Linda Belcher have- is that too much to ask?!
K. The dog and I are outside. The Uber driver said "I hope he fucks the shit out of you"
I just bartered a blowjob for the ex-fiancée's engagement ring. FTW!
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