there's a guy here who looks like a hipster got a hold of obama and gave him a makeover.
feel weird hangin out with you now that i've eaten your sister out
dude they were twins that means they were both only 17
I wish you got a notification every time someone masturbated to a Facebook picture of you...
I'm wearing this super skanky ass dress that's wayyy to slutty for church but I think Jesus will appreciate it because i look so bangin for his bday.
we're at Rob's house and just invented the best drinking game ever....we are on Chatroulette and everytime we see a dick we all have to drink.
i feel like our whole relationship was one big acid trip
So he told me he wanted to fertilize my caviar. Im avoiding all foreign exchange students from now on.
he just sent me a picture of his penis sticking through a piece of paper that he had drawn a stick figure with tits on it that said "you"
Yea, I had a chaperone thankfully. I'm in the fetal position attempting to eat captain crunch now.
Yeah everyone's alive and well besides the still terrifying threat of Ted's conception of a human being
Would you be mad if I just used the argument "I'm allowed to say that, my best friend is a lesbian"?
Never. I'm proud to help you win arguments.
They need 20 oz Capri suns with liquor. Douches need to grow up with their clients
They're the one who can profit the most when given the opportunity for blackmail.
At least that's how I've always seen it whenever I've been the Designated Driver.
That simultaneously explains everything and makes me very very terrified of you.
Well I'm glad your Saturday night went a lot better than mine. I spent mine crying in a McDonald's parking lot.
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