Banjos are just sex machines. Like lights to moths, banjos are to hipster bitches.
His second form of ID was an emergency room wristband from an hour ago. What the fuck is going on right now
Haha yeah he had an allergic reaction to the alcohol earlier. He thinks that if he only drinks vodka he will be ok...
I don't believe these are real court rooms. They look absolutely nothing like law and order.
theyll ask where you are and ill say on a date crying in a sombrero
like that time i did too much ghb at gay pride
just tripped. bootyfest 2012 will be my engagement party. i saw the whole future. i'm moving to the beach.
New term. "Find a husband" fridays. It's like thirsty thursdays, but with a dowry.
well I was pissed. first he yelled at me for having my own condoms, then he got mad when they didn't fit him. Dude, I only fuck magnum men.
at least I have the sex noises of his roommate to entertain me while I wait for him to wake up
Brunch got away from me. I might be a little high.
My pants are on and I'm pretty sure I tried to throw them at someone.
People try and tell me I never learn me lesson, well that's a bunch of crap. I asked for Monday off for Superbowl recovery based on my experience last year.
I was trying to drink every time they said planned parenthood but my body isn't cut out for this.
He doesn't wear a seatbelt. He votes Republican. He has a small dick. That house of cards just fell apart.
I'm like a great zombie Jesus.
Why did you buy a cock ring?
I’m going to propose to his penis
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