I'm single ladies-ing it in my kitchen alone. after I just made an intense new breakup cd and before I drown my sorrows by marinating alone in my jacuzzi later. I cant tell if this is a new low or a new high
What's the point of being healthy if people still don't want to fuck you?
The last thing I remember is funneling tequila out of a pink noodle.
I had to download the flashlight app so I could finish taking a dump when the power went out.
Just found a partially digested mushroom under my bed. Thanks for that.
I just watched dragonflies fucking. You can't match that level of geek.
he's hot he just has too much baggage, and has really fucking skinny ankles which freaks me out
you aren't having sex with his ankles, As long as knee caps and above are good, i'd go for it
Just doin' what I do best: sitting in a stall in the class building's bathroom, pondering life and exploring deep, dark corners of the internet before class.
I'll explain later but basically I was feeling dangerous, I'm dressed as Ann Romney and Ann Romney is a bad bitch.
You know when you meet a penis that looks like it was made out of all your hopes and dreams?
I spilt beer on the table, and she quickly got a straw and yelled party foul and made me drink it.
Dude we gotta go back to your cabin. left glenn. he's calling me crying and still drunk
Every time you talk about your facial hair I immedately get horny
It's not even 8:30a, wine glass is broken, there's sugar everywhere, and your mom just asked me what MILF means.
In my life time, I want nothing more than to get a blow job while watching Space Jam.
Randomize
