Dude sorry i couldnt seem to spell any words right in the texts i sent you last night
I felt like a fucking code breaker.
Her sister's ass was worth my getting thrown out of the house.
Ramen noodles and uncensored jerry springer episodes, what a nice life i have.
tonight is proof that a xbox 360 will always be more reliable than a girl ever will
and a girl gets the red ring of death every month
This is worse than the time I broke into Subway to steal bread.
She crushed my hand with the box spring last time, so it's all good.
Oh my god please beg your father to turn the car around so you can possibly get laid by a knight at medieval times.
Yeah but I was the kid who ran over your BMW and is banging your 15 year old daughter... There isn't a cool enough dad in the world to make that work.
So my niece decided to play "lets make shapes out of your bruises" with me and told me that one of them looks like a shark bite. Bravo, sir. Bravo.
Nothing like a false "my-dad-found-my-weed" alarm on Christmas day.
This chick had a microhand. Fucking, like, jerking off a baby carrot would make it look like corn.
Not a or good or bad impression, just that you were all basically naked playing beer bong in sombreros and ties. Casual.
He put his burrito in the bag with his dildo.
Thanks for duct tapping my dick to my leg while I was passed out. I could only aim straight down. I stood on your bed. Have a nice day at work!
he just got here with a handle of tequila and box of condoms. looks like i'll be spending the weekend in bed
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