Her mom drove me home after I blew a .13 So there I am wishing her mom a happy mother's day sitting in the passenger seat where I just banged her daughter 15 min prior
yeah I know. she is a stupid fat trailer trash bitchwhore and I hate her
but when she came up to me in the bar I had to be all like "OMG HEYYY how are you, I haven't seen you in foreverrrrr!!"
but for the record, yeah, I hope she gets mauled by a bear and dies
I just saw a guy masturbating vigorously at the bus stop across from del taco at 2:30am...im pretty sure he wasn't even homeless
Megan Fox is the only woman I would let pee on me.
I'm similar. She's the only woman I'd ask to pee on me.
Ok yeah you're right. I'd ASK Megan Fox to pee on me. I'd ALLOW Erin Andrews to pee on me if she asked.
Captain Phil from deadliest catch died... im trying to think of a memorial fb status but "ill miss your crabs" doesnt sound right
Semi hypothetical question. Do you think its physically possible to bruise your clit?
I'm gonna wear that dress that makes me look like a slut. You know, the one your sister got arrested in.
Just abandoned him for a bowl of soup and the living room floor...hope the window replacement guys don't get a show..I miss you!
Hey, if I can't get it and you're still alive, can you get the glass out of my foot? Happy Sunday.
Someone had written "Boxmonsterette" on the bathroom wall and I just knew you'd been here.
Let's play "Guess What I Just Found In My Vagina?"
Tis the season to play Pocahontas! (AKA: Eat a bunch of acid and run around the yard barefoot, the first person to see the colors of the wind, wins!)
Last night when I blacked out, I ate Chef Boyardee. I never want to be that drunk ever, ever again.
God gave you your own nipples for a reason.
Who’s got two thumbs and just got laid in the administration building?
Randomize
