I swear ... this hickey is a map to Amelia Earhart's whereabouts
I just spent my lunch hour driving around campus yelling "TRADE LIVES WITH ME!" to all the freshmen moving in
just found a beer in my hamper. even my laundry is a dirty alcoholic.
It is virtually impossible to listen to single ladies and perform any seated task.
if i wake up one more time on my porch im gonna start considering myself homeless
Just discovered Kim Possible porn. Life is now complete.
I'm so horny
I have no idea who this is, but I'm up for a lecture on self-respect
just found gum connecting my sunglasses to my floor board. you don't want to know where else it was.
When they say "all expenses paid" does that include bail?
Public service announcement: if you would like to continue receiving blow jobs, a 25% increase in fuck-giving will be expected immediately, and you're expected to give an actual flying fuck at least once a week. Brought to you by the ad council.
The heart of my unhappiness in my job is that it's not a place where coworkers and I can draw dicks on everything to amuse each other
its just been over 12 hours, and i`m dying, don`t know how i`m supposed to survive the holidays sexless
As if finding out the man you just had sex with is married isn't bad enough, it gets so much more awkward when his wife comes in to comfort you...
When asked if they had been introduced, Damo said "No but I know we've pretty much fucked all the same girls in town"
I want to die, ON THAT, with that INSIDE ME. ironically, I sense that would be the only time I'd feel alive.
Randomize
