weak ass sauce last night. waste of time. you suck. ps. your boobs are fake
i'm 85% sure that if you don't visit me i will do something awkward and potentially dangerous to you in your sleep involving chocolate milk and a sham-wow.
I plan on using my big titties for evil tonight.
I just had a 2 1/2 hr conversation about the pros and cons of taping your ballsack to your taint, which then led into the unveilling of lady gaga being a hermaphrodite.
i ate 2 chicken nuggets and puked out 5. that doesn't even make mathematical sense
Someone just uploaded pictures on facebook of you making out with random girls. I'm telling you because I'm assuming you don't remember anything, but the 236 pictures in the album should give you a good clue.
I'm helping my Mormon ex boyfriend from high school embrace his inner cross dresser. This is truly god's work.
I may or may not have just ruined a marriage. But in my defense I got all my drinks for free tonight.
i'd say i'm about at weeping-uncontrollably-in-a-puddle-of-my-own-tears-and-urine level
It's a little weird that I'm blowing my wingman.
SERIOUSLY WHY DOES EVERYONE INSIST THAT THEY NEED TO SEE MY BOOBS
Because there's a shortage of perfect breasts in this world. You should start charging for viewings.
250 people in this lecture & my prof asks who already drank green beer this morning& is drunk right now. I WAS THE ONLY ONE TO RAISE MY HAND
I was really hoping my 420 would involve a lot more weed and a lot less buttholes
Being drunk at Chick-fil-A is a dystopian experience
If sleeping with your boss doesnt scream job security i dont know what does.
Randomize
