Oh and ps....i was sleeping soundly until i woke up by the sound of amy on the phone with her mom sobbing hysterically because she can't stop having the shits.
Definitely still drunk while signing the 'responsible adult' form at the hospital
how do I set my phone to only ring when I'm asleep when sex is certain?
I wish "capable of destroying an innocent girl's life" is something I could put on my resume
I'm pretty sure God is rooting for me with this two gf thing
I got a bikini wax for the first time today and I think I now understand feminism.
Do you remember calling me a cuntasaurus rex last night?
Next think I knew I was pretty much using his penis as a microphone... No more playing Eminem during hookups
you got in a fight with your imaginary friend last night when he didn't catch you after a surprise trust fall
She pulled me up to my feet by my hair. I thought it was you for a second. My drunken angel savior.
Btw when I was saying "fuck you" I meant it like "be quiet beautiful princess"
Sorry for throwing up in your humidifier last night, I thought it was some sort of electrical garbage can
Where are you? Where am I? Why am I so red?
I just sold Adderall to a priest, im not quite sure how I feel about this situation
My boss is paying me to come clean his house in a maid outfit and told me not to tell anyone....this is shady as fuck but I need the money
Randomize
