I would have at least made out with you if you were showered.
Really? You have stories that rival having a threesome with the two best friends of the guy your kinda seeing? Thats impressive.
apparently the secret to your success is patron
Haha, just learned changing others iPhone passcodes is fun while drunk but not fun the next morning.
he actually proposed, and i threw up on him...i guess 5 glasses of wine was a bad idea.
I'm 2 blowjobs away from girlfriend status....don't tell me I don't know how to have an adult relationship
Weve literally been going out drinking five days a week. That counts as a full time job right?
I was blowing him while he was singing Happy Birthday to his girlfriend on the phone. I win.
So we stayed at his mom's and all got drunk and he and I hooked up in his old bedroom. Then his drunk mom came in and tackled us when we were still naked. Why does this keep happening to me?
Yeah, nothing like barfing into a grocery bag you just put dog shit into.
We are all done wearing pants today
Safe to say we should stock up on nipple bandaids ladies
If you don't come home and fuck me soon I'm walking over there naked and dragging you home by your penis
She walked up to me and whispered "I hope you're good at sex" and led me to the beach.
getting my period the day i moved was my bodies way of saying 'congratulations youre not leaving town with anybodies babies!'
Randomize
