"Ever since I killed her kid she be actin' shady." Actual quote overheard at Marine World just now. Oh God.
i just met rob pattinson in italy. he's so stupid, i feel like i would have to say "your penis goes here!"
I seem to have left my pride at pride
apparently i was offering everyone ambien and shouting, it's only like heath ledger if you want it to be!
I just followed up on a noise complaint...only to find 2 girls in bikinis covered in jello with beer cans everywhere. I couldn't bring myself to bust that party.
I want to be a cop.
I just met his other fuck buddy...I am thinking of befriending her just to fuck with him...manuplating my roommates into hating each other is boring me i need something else to do
It hurts to peel the glue off my chest and i keep finding glitter in my hair.
I just wanted to decorate you...
i cant answer while inside this church craft show. so unless you're outside with my engagement ring and a nonfat gingerbread latte, it'll have to wait.
Jail is not for me. They portion control your meals and I don't really like that.
Boys should be on-demand - like, once you select one, he's yours for the next 24-hours
He's thawing a cheesecake on his stomach. We're that high.
I swear man, you fly across the country to give a boy your virginity and he suddenly thinks you like him
i'm sitting in my room 'bout to smoke a bowl. also, i found out that you don't need a permit to own a tiger in wisconsin, so we're buying one when we move in together.
THREE MINUTES! THREE MINUTES PAST MIDNIGHT I STSRT HEARING CHRISTMAS MUSIC ON THE OVERHEAD PA SYSTEM!!!
She was a cheerleader in college and President of her sorority and now she’s a sales rep for a pharmaceutical corporation. “High maintenance hot” doesn’t even begin to explain it
But dear lord is it worth it
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