Ok so the guy below me is either having sex very loudly or is very lonely
She just started grabbing all the hospital's rubber gloves and face masks and shoving them in her purse, saying, "My tax money paid for these!"
nah, they dropped the charges. apparently ripping his junk when he tried to hop the fence seemed like punishment enough...
don't say the first was when I crawled under into the dressing room
Technically my penis started a fight tonight
I have a fannypack full of condoms and acid. Let's get weird.
Hope I didn't wake u up but I woke up and there is a shirt, boxers, belt and jeans on my balcony, along with a naked guy who claimed to scale the building
Sweating vodka and spray tan, I feel like a trophy wife.
I know, my friend Erin took me into the bathroom at work and poured pickle juice on me.
I found a door knob in my purse this morning, I hope whoever it belonged to doesn't need it today.
hahahah
You will bone me until my eyeballs fall out. This is not a request.
if happy hour never ends, you’ll never have to eat kale
Im four hours late for work AND i pissed my bed
i feel like the girl with kaleidoscope eyes except the kaleidoscopes are sparkly butt plugs
I didn't expect the hobit to have that much sexual tension.
Randomize
