Have u ever been so drunk that pissing urself felt like a better idea than walking to the bathroom? I entered those waters last night
He tried to blame not having a condom on the economy.
you were drinking a pitcher of what you called "16 loko" and making everybody guess what the secret ingredient was
I can'nr wwn explain this nihght . So amnt dixks. Shitttttt.
Just gave a urinal high five to a complete stranger. Might not be such a bad night after all
im taking a nap outside. wake me up in an hour.
way to go to work and not wake me up. when you get home youre rubbing me with aloe and giving me a blowjob. no excuses
Bunch of Navy warships just sailed into New York Harbor for Fleet Week. Nobodys getting laid this weekend.
Eating cold pizza and drinking a beer for breakfast while standing in a hotel window naked is how I say hello September...
I just traded 5 cigarettes for a sandwich on they greyhound.You owe me 5 cigarettes. I told you I would get hungry.
She's throwing herself an "I just had a baby" shower, where she makes up for 9 months of sobriety then squeezing a watermelon out of her vagina.
I'm dressed as a caveman and drunk so that's not really an option
And I woke up by myself with peanut butter.. Cool
we watched a guy take a shot of tequila while riding a unicycle
I just met a drunk old lady with a bedazzled life alert alarm around her neck. I love casinos
I didn't really understand how big 10 inches is. Now I know.
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