do you remember what downloading porn with a 14k modem was like?
so i completely puked my brains out. a lot. he held me up so i could brush my teeth. then we proceeded to hook up for the next four hours.
he's a keeper
mike has just informed me of all the things he would put in his pussy if he was a woman. this includes door stops, power drills & g.i. joes.
"and then my dad would be all like 'hey mike, where's the remote?'"
It didn't get weird until she took off her underwear, looked down, and said "fill her up!"
We have literally factored in $2200 for bail money in the budget. This vegas trip will be out of hand. We are signing confidentiality contracts.
We're at the hospital. She got a head rush and fell and now blood everywhere. Smoke the rest, just save her a bowl
in the middle of fucking he asked me if i had gotten a haircut because he noticed i didnt have split ends anymore. i dont know what to think
You never cared about felonies while buying me alcohol from the little Asian woman across the street
Exactly. This is the bit where I learn a heartwarming lesson about not making my drinks half vodka
Every bar we ever go to has a woman there who hates him. Getting so much vagina has never seemed so not glorious
I'm praying that the company stray cat shows up tomorrow. I think I may have hit it while leaving Friday. Nobody will believe it was an accident after I hit the last one.
All I remember from the concert was leaving in an RV full of middle aged people playing circle of death
This is stupid. I am not getting knocked up from fucking in his backseat behind a starbucks. I refuse.
Fuck man, I am really high rn and all I've eaten is different forms of pie
I went to a swingers party and came home with a boyfriend. I love my life.
Randomize
