I just saw the girl you left with - Chris Hansen's looking for you
We succumbed to passion, and then he had to go meet his girlfriend. End of story.
I'm not going to fuck him in his Honda Fit. That's gay.
Why is your signature on my underwear?
My mom was looking at curtains for me and sent pictures and I had to be like "not the Disney princess pink and purple, more like an acid trip"
From now on when a guy sends me a dick picture I'm going to send them a picture of some other dudes dick.
How many other adults do you think have slept naked under the Winnie the Pooh blanket sober?
Lesson learned. No more vodka and toaster strudel
But I don't see you as the jesus riding a dinosaur with a machine gun type of guy
no offense but you looked like shit yesterday
tequila is unforgiving..
You mom sent me some article linking anal sex, damaged prostates and sterility. Does she still think your gonna go straight and have kids one day?
I party with great urgency now.
Did you clean my apartment?
I thought it was a dream, I'm sorry
Please stay more often
I’m not dating him for his personality. I’m dating him so I can steal his dog.
Upon further investigation my nipples are bruised and I have teeth marks all over.
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