Hey its my first time.
I think you mean "it's my first time"
i have to go see a new gyno today. he's a male. i just took 3 shots of tequila. its almost like freshman year... drink alcohol, meet a strange man, let him play with my vagina.
defrosting a beer in the microwave. no sparks so far.
While I was banging her, her cell rang. She checked to see who it was, answered it, and moaned, "I'm dumping you."
Correct me if I'm wrong but the photo album titles "cause I've been drankin" and "baby jessica" should not belong to the same person.
I mean what are real friends for if they won't hold down your wedding dress to allow for a keg stand
The nausea has returned and I can't handle such things to exit my body so violently
Within the span of 10 minutes, I managed to make a slip 'n slide on his stomach, threatened to pee on him, kneed myself in the eye, and almost fell asleep on the toilet....in that order.
Hahaha I can already see the arrest warrants. It's gonna be beautiful. I'll get them framed.
I got drunk and tried to make special rice krispie treats, but I made a mess and they were all stuck to my hands, so I just decided to eat my way out of the catastrophe and I think shit's about to get even weirder than usual.
His buddy came running in the room after we had sex, and started "sponging" the sweat off my forehead with his sport wristband.
Oh and it took quite a bit of doing, but I managed to wipe my butt with the hat you left in my car
Fyi - we're going to be eating those sandwiches in bed when you get home.
We need to get walkie talkies for when we're drunk so if we are at different parties or lost we can talk
please come back. it's turned into strip rock paper scissors
Randomize