We need to find a way to make penises more like hookahs.
my head feels like I tried to put alcohol out of business last night
I havnt had this much beer since i losodt my virginity. thank. god.
Be careful there's warming lubricant on the floor. I will clean and explain later.
Straight up if I get stuck with her I'm going to drink myself into a prison cell.
I puked on myself in front of a customer. all. over. myself. thanks Saturday nights
I pulled my bra outta my purse. Covered in honey mustard. I still lack an explanation.
It's like past high you was looking out for future high you by rolling that joint and leaving it in your coat pocket. What a Halloween miracle
I posted her number in the m4m casual encounters area of Craigslist.
I guess her always saying "gay men love me!" will finally get put to the test.
I had to rub one out before the Shabbat dinner in case I find a nice Jewish girl to fuck me in the bathroom.
Your mother would be so proud
I just saw my 7th grade teacher at the club. We had a pretty good talk over drinks. Turns out we both like dancing on tables.
We had sex on the playground and then walked around his neighborhood grading houses based on their Christmas decorations
This was the fourth year in a row I got arrested at Pride. Pretty sure that qualifies me as a legend.
After last night I never want to be in the back of a cop car again. No leg room.
Wrong Cuomo but I had a dream last night in which I was very sexually attracted to Chris
Randomize
