I've decided through careful research we can out drink any country folk.
I woke up this morning and was hoping we drank enough last night to have a unicorn drawn on my wrist. Good News: We did.
Smoked a bowl on a rollercoaster. Literally ON. Beat that.
officially spring now- first drug bust of the season across the street.
I just took a shit in a BP station. It seemed appropriate since they are shtting in our ocean.
Drinking wine in my childhood bed getting ready to go to sleep in order to wake up for my menial temp job. Thanks, college degree, I can handle the real world.
That one life defining moment when you catch yourself pouring whisky into your hot chocolate at 4 am, whilst crying and talking to your dog.
I may or may not have shit out a layer of my liver after that weekend.
I guarantee that wasn't the first penis someone placed on her forehead.
I've never had goosebumps on my dick before. It was definitely not a bad feeling.
I told her I wanted to use him as a chew toy while simultaneously licking his face.
Did she tell him? And if so, was he cool with it? If yes, date him, date the fuck outta him.
You also thought the cure to hiccups was drowning yourself (and you were right)
I'm going to make you a sign to put on your penis to ward others off
Also, next time I go get a wax, I'm gonna ask the girl about the innie to outie ratio she sees on the daily.
I got arrested FOR running from the cops. In college Dad got arrested and THEN ran from the cops. So it could be worse.
Randomize
