I am in a vortex of obligation.
I feel like our bond as friends is a lot stronger now that I've talked to you on the phone while having sex.
and apparently i was drunk enough to follow up with "I'd let me touch your boobs" ... not my best line.
Changing from sweatpants to jeans at 3 in the afternoon makes the day seem so much more productive than it actually was.
picked up a girl by parallel parking. i love this town already.
I drunkenly asked a stripper to join our volleyball team.
Just in case you were wondering I sent you a text at 4:37 in the morning because I woke up on the side of the highway at that time
when i first looked at you, you weren't wearing any pants. but then i realized you had them around your neck as a cape.
Apparently, my drunken 3AM idea of safety is to send a GPS map of my location to someone 700 miles away. Seriously considering death as a viable alternative to this hangover. Death or Yuengling.
Vom Wallet is no more. We now boldly enter a responsible, adult era where we will not throw up liquor onto ourselves.
thanks for piggy backing me around for the rest of the night when I got too drunk to stand.
I'm in your room because it's a safe space. Is it ok to pee in here?
I HAD TO PAY A COVER FOR THE FIRST TIME LAST NIGHT. My tits didn't get me in and I was so pissed.
Do you remember trying to eat the shower curtain last night...?
we have beer and we're watching the birds have sex in our yard.
Randomize
