I will make out with the first guy who tries to pick me up with a lyric from a rap song. I won't even reply, just be on him like whoa.
dude this girl next to me farted in the middle of a quiz and denied my high five
bitch
There's a show on the Discovery Channel about T-Rex sex. I think this just made my life.
Both he AND his 17 year old son were hitting on me... I'm bridging generational gaps
I think I wrote "thanks for the free alcohol!!!" in their wedding guest book and I'm almost positive I signed my name
Ummm didn't i have pubes when i went to bed last night?
I had a dream last night you were Aladdin. I think due to me watching 6 hours of Disney movies and the fact you told me you were wearing a vest.
Dreams are coming true for both of us.
The last thing I remember is singing hotel California with a hobo and asking every bald man I saw if I could touch his head.
lets do drugs on my lunch break tomorrow
It's 11:13am and my chem prof is drinking a beer in class. I guess finals week is stressful for them too
I just had a guy ask me if his "jewelry downstairs" would set off the metal detector.
Can't we just go back to fucking and having your boyfriend think you're completely straight?
Y’all did coke off my Puff The Magic Dragon plate.😂
I realize that my conversation topics seem to only be about bees and my cross dressing fiance. Thank you for being my friend.
My new plan is to whip out my titties when they arrive. Maybe they won’t notice that I broke the couch fucking my boss...
Randomize
