We pay for beer, you give birth. It's how the world works.
I had fun last night. We should have sex less often.
Theres a dude at this concert at the urinal double fisting beers, taking drinks from both while simultaneously pissing euerywhere. He is my hero
I was gonna make fun of her but that plan kinda stopped once she put my dick in her mouth
He passed out mid-signature
The movie was so bad she gave me two blowjobs. Two.
1 in 5 deaths i nrussia is alcohol related. GO MOTHERLAND
Woke up naked on my floor covered in cookies. We should celebrate fake hurricanes every weekend.
It was a legit night tell he threw a snowball in the bar, thats when I knew it was time to go to the next bar.
This is a rough morning for me
No, rough is puking in your froyo cup next to a five year old and her grandma.
I think he was trying to tie my clitoris in a knot with his tongue. So awful.
My unemployment came through so I'd like to thank the taxpayers of Utah in advance for my level of intoxication this weekend
Hey I'm sorry for head butting you last night. Personally I thought it was funny at the time, but I can see how from your perspective it may not have been as enjoyable for you... Hope your lip is okay.
His crazy is a thing to be cherished
Crazy homeless man drinking beer out of a vitamin water container on the bus just set me up on a date with the yuppie next to him
Randomize
