He just knocked over the beer pong table... I haven't seen so much fail in one room since I watched "Mall Cop" with my grandma
he drank a monster margarita at dinner. had to ask me if it was dollars or minutes that ended in 60.
I feel like he's only with me because no one else would blow him.
Sometimes familiar penis is best. Its like comfort food for your vagina.
Well since its impossible for me to swallow a pill this big I'm making wine slushies out of them
They broke our car window and then wrote "great night" on the next
Dropping acid was like seeing the whole world as a blank canvas to imagine anything I wanted.
And apparently all you wanted was to watch the sun explode and me take 60,000 dicks to the face.
I donkey kicked that mother fucker. Never stood a chance.
It was a door. A completely inanimate object, of course it didn't stand a chance you idiot.
I woke up and found a stick of butter in my pocket. There's no butter in the house so I don't know who's it is. Using it to make cookies.
Probably gonna run and pray I throw up. Then go get a coffee/bagel & continue to rally
I just ate apple sauce in my underwear. This isn't 30. This is 3.
I feel like I shouldn't be left around 30 year olds when I'm drunk
We drunkenly made out once four years ago and then he immediately vomited and honestly I've never gotten over him
This girl was in the river screaming that someone didn't love her anymore...that's when the guy in a kilt claimed her...
Did I tell you about the swingers? Because I think they're trying to trap me.
Randomize