Dude. I haven't taken a shit in a week.
Try anal, it works wonders.
I JUST WOKE UP ON A TRAIN
I SHUDNT B ON A TRAIN
I just had sex in a moon bounce. It is all down hill from here.
The only way I could have failed my exam worse is if there would have been a drug test portion
She broke both of her ankles trying to jump off the balcony. it's like every time she drinks she makes even more impressively bad decisions than the last time
He smashed a plastic chair leg on a tree stump, threw himself into the side of our metal enclosure, stomped on the wreckage for a bit and then punched the fire.
Just paid off my possession ticket on 4/20. Helloooo awesome.
they need to invent a card that reads "thanks for all those boners you gave me that you did NOTHING about"
Yeah I don't remember how I got home last night
Judging from my pants, I embarrassed myself smh
YOU HAVE BEEN BAD TOUCHED BY THE LEPRECHAUN OF CHOICES
...I watched him run on the beach yesterday and I think I started ovulating
He caught me mid-escape...one leg out the window, bra n thong in hand.I just looked at him and said "Bye Now" n proceeded to fall out his window....then.... tell me why he texted me 30 min later to make sure i got home ok! #igotthis
Walk of shame through Chipotle? Check.
It probably doesn't matter because I'm drunk...but I'm sorry for getting you drunk, having you almost lose your place to live, all your friends, permanently lose your liver functions, throwing up on my floor, losing virginity...etc...mostly I'm sorry for making you watch: cabin in the woods.
Okay I’ll say it... THIS MOVIE FUCKS
That’s probably the first time I've heard Little Women described that way and I love it
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