grandma shit on top of the toilet
Did your girl go home? Did she have fun? Can we have our friend back?
why did i wake up to an event notice that says "Shit Just Got Real"?
So Ive decided I have serious issues. Im walking around the school with a bag labeled booze money collecting from people while slightly hungover at 8:20 in the morning, and nobody is questioning me.
is it a bad thing if he can only get off when i start talking like one of the girls from Jersey Shore??
I can't wait til my little brother reaches the point where puking doesn't mean we stop drinking
I don't appreciate the fact that you tagged me as a giant bucket Miracle Whip.
My professor just gave us a margarita recipe.
Why?
Because, and I quote, he "wants to give us the tools to succeed in life."
Like do you hear me I PUKED IN MY OWN HANDS AND HE STILL SAID I WAS GORGEOUS
Sometimes I have to make sure these messages are going to you and I'm not about to give someone in my phone book a heart attack.
Who's the easier target... Bandages on the knees, tramp stamp, or bra showing? Not in the mood to work for it tonight.
I jammed my finger giving him a hand job. Don't ask how, I'm still trying to figure that out.
I just sat on the floor of my shower for 20 minutes to punish myself for drunk me's decisions.
I FOUND THE LEGS
I am going to paint butt plugs like little Christmas trees and give them as gifts.
You could paint cock rings as wreaths.
Randomize
