then she made me sanitize my hands before fingering her...i may have found my soulmate
It was like a lincoln log. Seriously. I don't know who's more pissed, me or my vagina...worst.hookup.ever.
I know I said I was done dating 22 year olds but it's not my fault all the guys my age gave up on life and got fat
its family weekend so i'm givin my little bro a tour of everywhere ive thrown up on campus
One question: Why is your trash can full of blood and pop-tarts?
I was chocking and even did the sign for it..And you continued to just laugh
We don't have a ruler. Come downstairs and lay in the snow with a boner so we can see how much snow we've gotten. Put your 8 inches to a less shameful use.
For context, I was hiding under the pong table mooing at everyone by that point.
The fact that it neither of us came up with the reason of "it's morally and ethically wrong" speaks volumes about this relationship
I think you handled your pregnancy scares better than that cricket in your bathroom
Finals week game: One shot for every psychological trauma I've been through that I have to explain in detail. Man I hate my major sometimes.
I'm currently sitting at your kitchen table eating chicken nuggets that I dug out of the trash and thinking about how much I need to get laid.
Roommate charged out of his room in pajamas yelling "MAKE IT RAIN" and just threw $4,000 in fifties onto my head. My Friday night.
So I said "fuck it" and made myself a sandwich
Yes please. My parents would fucking love him and I'd love fucking him. That's a win-win if I've ever seen one.
Randomize
